A few weeks ago I was asked to take part in a blog series called “Divas Wanna Know” by @Jendiva of Mind of a Diva a great blog for women full of empowering posts that encourage women to redefine what it means to be a Diva. These were questions that women wanted to ask men in a frank and honest way. I re-posted my answers here. I’m curious, what questions would you have asked? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
1. What is your definition of a man and what can a woman do to make you feel way?
I think that a man should embody these four qualities:
Love: Love of God, love of self and love for others, especially his family.
Wisdom: He should strive to become a man of deep focus, learning more about himself, his purpose and using his life experiences to encourage and inspire others.
Justice: He should strive to be a man of integrity, always creating an environment of genuine respect, rising above the divisive pettiness of aggression and violence and replacing it with honor and civility.
Power: He should develop the mental, emotional and spiritual acuity to control his internal reactions to his external surroundings. he should use his physical strength not to oppress, but to protect when called upon.
When she is encouraging, motivating, supporting and sometimes even challenges her mates aspirations, he becomes more courageous, confident and purposeful, knowing he has the backing and support from the woman he loves.
2. In regards to romantic relationships, what are your fears and why?
Because I’m more open with my emotions I used to be afraid of scaring a women off, appearing clingy, giving a little too much too soon. To protect myself I used to try to shut down my feelings to not to appear “soft” or “emo.” That only led to a breakdown in communication and ultimately the demise of the relationship. I had to come to embrace my own dating style and now I’m very happy with the woman I’m with because she appreciates that openness.
3. What are your ‘deal breakers’ in terms of someone you are considering being serious with?
I always knew that I had to have a woman who has a deep sense of spirituality. It would be the one thing that would keep her focused and grounded on the right things in life. A Proverbs 31 woman would be the complete package. I also knew that I would need to be the same…focused, industrious, loving etc. I’m fortunate enough to have found her and our spirituality keeps us close and our relationship thriving.
4. Do you prefer women that wear their natural hair of fake hair more and why?
Personally it doesn’t matter to me. I’m aware of how a woman’s hair is her “crown” and an important piece of her esteem, so for me I think if it makes you feel good about yourself then great! My wife has had her hair long, permed, natural, straight and short. She is still beautiful no matter how she wears it.
5. What are your feelings about dating/marrying outside of your race?
I’ve dated outside my race before and I think it broadens your love horizon. Since love has no color I think everyone should be open to find that special person no matter where or what the culture may be.
Do you feel there’s a still a stigma against interracial couples or is it no longer an issue?
I think the fact that we still are talking about interracial relationships means it still is an issue with most people. I think the younger you are the less it may make a difference.
6. Would you be bothered if you were dating or married to a woman that was more successful or made more money than you? Why or why not?
No. As long as she didn’t make it an issue between us. When I first met my wife she made twice as much as I did. As the years went by my paycheck drastically increased and I made more. What made these changes easy to deal with is the consistent way we felt and dealt with each other. She never made me feel that my manhood was attached to my paycheck. In these tough economic times It’s important that we not make the mistake of not tearing down each others self-esteem.
Ultimately what we need to sustain a good relationship can’t be measured in dollars and cents. It’s measured in qualities, habits, deeds and respect for the other person.